I finally understand...
what love is... and stomaching the fact that I had it and lost it is why I suffer.
and the reason that I'm even admitting it to the pencil tip
is I'm too proud to admit it in person..
Pity my indifference if you must, but it's difficult to exist in
assisted living, I'm chained to predisposition.
The women who dealt with every affliction are livid, and separate
in different states and conditions
I was playing the victim...
and I knew it. that's the problem.
I caused them. I didn't choose to ignore it.
Few can support this when every move chosen was torrid.
From abusive music in tandem
To every manipulation imagined.
Can't fathom it
That every situation I handled, we
Seen the shattering.
I noticed the cracks. They noticed me.
I'm mistakenly oblivious.
every day I feel the pain of what I'm missing... it's
Going to kill me..
and it's everything I didn't want.
Blame the hidden thoughts.
That appear whenever everything is getting lost.
Lines I wish I didn't cross.
and it's difficult to admit I'm the reason I'm lost
I want to blame everybody else
that could probably help.
Push away this tainted disease
that's so painful he bleeds to wash away the digust
He feels and maybe belief
in a purity is all that he needs
to believe in his own lie.. one more time.
Long enough to witness her last ounce of love die.
sing a sweet melody to make these maggots sleep
That burrow in my mind every time I have to dream
Replaying every memory like film
I'll spray pesticide inside my skull until they're killed.
Brittle and small. I'll let God do his will.
Your thoughts are fleeting, and mine's still. Oh well.
Searching for ataraxia
Certain the past is catching up
Hurting so bad and can't adjust
I'm about to snap.. please don't let me snap.
I'll throw this all away
Incinerate my skin..
Burn it away
Instead of decay
Plenty of pain for penance
No repentance
Set in my ways.
I don't want to embrace what I've became
I'm a flame until the fuel dries
And then I open my eyes
And see the trail of destruction I left behind.
I believe you
When you tell me you love me
And that's the reason my reaction is ugly.
Because I Need you.

Because I Need you
I've always needed you
Hold my bleeding hands until I feel safe
Squeeze the puss out of me
Heal me. ×2